I didn’t plan to continuously write so personal but I find myself again writing about my life in Indonesia and my journey so far.
I finally did the move from Bali to Gili Trawangan this week. After months of Island hopping between Bali and Gili Trawangan and resisting to permanently live in Gili Trawangan or even spend the majority of time there rather than Bali, I broke the resistance and moved.
Years ago before I moved to Bali, I was planning to move to the UK, I longed for a life I didn’t feel comfortable I wanted a new challenge, somewhere to make a home, not be somewhere that was naturally home. I achieved this more than I imagined when I unexpectedly moved to Indonesia and spent time in Australia. That lonely, uncomfortable, scary feeling when you know nothing about that place. Yeah I achieved that.
You begin to learn the way of a new place and in some cases quickly you adapt to that place. You grow to become a piece of that place, and the place becomes a piece of you.
The last few weeks I craved the exact opposite, I loved Gili Trawangan, I knew a lot about it, I had friends who are family in Gili Trawangan but it still wasn’t Bali. I couldn’t bring myself to change my home from Bali to Lombok.
By telling myself that Bali was home and only Bali and not letting myself free to Gili Trawangan meant I wasn’t giving Gili Trawangan the opportunity to become home, so this week I decided to let those thoughts go.
I split the deck of Tarot cards – past, present, future. The past read the devil. In my opinion this is the worst card of the deck. It means you are tied to two things, you are keeping yourself back, not letting yourself move forward. You are tied to an unhealthy situation and only you can help yourself.
I knew this card meant being tied to Bali and Gili at the same time. I knew to move forward with the business I needed to be in Gili Trawangan, if I wanted to live my dreams and the life I loved I needed to be based in Gili Trawangan.
Sometimes you can find yourself with anxiety eating away at you. Lacking self confidence, pulling yourself back rather than moving forward. I began to get this feeling occasionally in Gili Trawangan months back. Though I am blessed to have incredible people who are like family in my life there, there is also unfortunately those who also don’t understand you. There are those who could hear you speak a thousand words and still not get you and there are those who will get you without you even speaking a single word. This scared me, Gili Trawangan was too much of a small place to handle feeling down and lonely from those facts.
But I thankfully came to realise anyone can be torn to pieces, anyone can be brought down and eaten away at. No one is perfect. Couldn’t I see how loved and supported I am. It’s a terrible thing that darkness can weigh us down so much more than light even if the amount of light is so much more.
I wanted Island Mermaids to become big, I heard something from a wonderful friend that made me realise do I want these Mermaid tails in the factory or do I want them to be used every day and sold?! I manifest this, selling Mermaid tails and doing Island Mermaid packages.
Gili Trawangan Beach
For everything, it was one of the most beautiful times of all. Becoming happy with my choice and realising that Gili Trawangan has already become home. Home is not a place it is a feeling. I am so content and blessed to say I have this feeling now here in Gili Trawangan – the feeling of home.
It happened almost immediately from when I let myself go, surrendering to a new life and learning all over again. It was funny to think that before I craved a life so deep and uncomfortable. A challenge to make somewhere a home, to years on wanting the exact opposite, to stay safe.
Pushing out of my comfort zone isn’t breaking my connection with Bali, I have a promise to Bali. I’m stuck there indefinitely. My heart belongs to not just Bali though but to this wonderful culture in Indonesia. Bali will always feel home but now Gili Trawangan has given me the feeling of home.
What a wonderful thought to think I have the feeling of home that isn’t where I was born and grew up, I have found that place that people search lifetimes for.
Now we are laughing in disbelief – me and a close friend who has also just moved to Gili Trawangan from Sengigi, Lombok. That we are both here together, close friends starting new adventures looking for a permanent 2 bedroom home to share.
You need to break out from your comfort zone, just keep living. You will find your happiness.
Trust that life will take you exactly to where you need to go.
All our love from the depths of the ocean,